Resilience for Managers

Posted on June 5, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

The Manager’s Challenge

We have all been around a manager who lets their emotions go, and takes their workplace frustrations out on their team or leaders. Sometimes it shows in blaming others (usually someone junior), or the “us and them” language, and in the worst cases even violent emotions such as shouting or swearing can even be put on show. Sometimes it can be very hard to imagine how some managers and leaders got promoted to where they are now!

A “Manager” is a person whose primary job is to deliver results through others. This changes the game completely. There is a delicacy to the art of shepherding a diverse group of people in the same direction, and creating synergy and unity. Managers who fail to identify this as THE primary deliverable for their role, end up with an unfocussed and uncoordinated team, and very soon, no matter how hard everyone works, the results just won’t show!

With the added diversity of tasks, and increased responsibilities, managers need much more resilience and maturity than the team members they lead. A lack of results is the manager’s responsibility, and if not resolved, results in negative exposure of the manager to his or her seniors.

Resilience comes in when managers become pressurised both from above, and from below. They have to both manage the downward pressure from their own manager’s expectations, which they feel heavily as an individual person, and then selflessly buffer their team from the direct effects of that pressure all the while feeling it themselves!

They also have to handle the pressure of internal team dynamics affecting performance, and should not expose those internal issues to the direct view of senior management. It is their job to resolve those issues, not to sidestep their responsibilities and blame team non-delivery on those internal dynamics!

So in testing times, a manager is genuinely feeling it from all sides. A good manager can absorb pressure from multiple directions without their team even noticing that the pressure exists.

So, if we battle to demonstrate resilience, and too easily fall foul of stress or emotions as a manager, what should we do? Some thoughts:

  • Deal with any stressors that are not work related. Get them out of the equation.
  • Decide to give grace to your colleagues. That basically means you count to ten before reacting, and while you are counting, find a kind way to say what you need to say.
  • Your team wants to succeed. They are trying. Nobody wants to fail. Help them to succeed by unblocking the processes and workflows that are keeping them from it.
  • Stress is often caused by lack of clarity and a sense of being overwhelmed. Spend time planning and regaining a bird’s-eye view of your team and the project.
  • Create a plan to bring things back on track and own it. Realistic plans bring confidence. Confidence brings calmness.
  • Be accountable both upwards and downwards about where things are at and how they will be fixed. Own the issues, don’t make excuses. (Every single good boss I have worked for has appreciated honesty and a commitment to fix things. Every single good boss I have worked for has hated excuses.)
  • Its your job to get this done. Own it. It’s your job to take the heat for your team. Do it with grace and courage. They will repay you with results.
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Resilience in the Workplace

Posted on June 4, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

Resilience

I was once in a symposium on “Mental Health in the Workplace” (as a delegate, not a patient :-), although some days it’s a fine line…) and I was struck by the simplicity of one definition of mental health: “Mental health is basically emotional and mental resilience – the ability to bounce back and regain your former shape emotionally and mentally, after a set-back”.

In the workplace, I have repeatedly observed senior managers succumb to stress and allow their behaviour towards colleagues and associates to change. This is a low to medium level lack of resilience. On a few occasions, though, I have seen people execute “career limiting moves” with great skill, as they drop their inhibitions totally and attack more senior employees out of an overflow of frustration. This can only be described as a high level lack of resilience!

When our internal stresses or issues are expressed in negative or destructive outward behaviour, it is definitely time to sit back and think. A lack of emotional resilience affects credibility and trust, and widens the gaps between colleagues in the workplace. It makes people unpredictable, and forces colleagues to spend precious time and energy choosing their words carefully. They also quickly find ways to work around the unpredictable person, because, well, “why would you allow a crucial part of a project to depend on someone you don’t feel you can fully trust, and can’t really relate to anymore?” Tellingly, I have seen individuals quietly ostracised from their social world at work because of this.

If we have broken trust and workplace collegiality through a lack of resilience, it is important to rebuild it. It is also important to understand why we lack resilience and what we can do about that. Often people are fine when the sailing is smooth but lack the capacity to stay on course when the waters get a bit choppy. Resilience can be affected by

  • A fear that my competency has reached its limits and I will be exposed.
  • Other (maybe personal) stresses that have consumed my emotional energy, and I am running on empty at work
  • Legitimate (clinical) depression or anxiety
  • A feeling of powerlessness – I am accountable, but I don’t have the authority to back up my accountability.
  • Frustration at organisational incompetence and beaurocracy, or inadequate support to get the job done.
  • A sense of having been betrayed – broken promises, whether around remuneration, promotion, etc.

The challenge is to work these out quickly and transparently. So often we allow small things – things that can be resolved quietly and independently, to have a flow-on effect into our working relationships and careers. There is nothing worse that realising we have painted ourselves into a corner for no good reason! We have let a small issue that could easily be solved, destroy our credibility and working relationships. Keeping a short account is an incredibly valuable discipline.

So, it is important to try and uncover the cause and quickly resolve it at the source. This can be as simple as a private decision, or it might require counselling, coaching, or other interventions. Primarily though, it will require honesty and a willingness to change. The courage comes when we have to speak to people about it, and ask for help, support, or even forgiveness. It’s not a crime to have a personal challenge. It’s not a crime to ask for help. In fact, as many will agree, acknowledging an issue, fronting up when we are accountable for a situation, and asking for help is the first and best step to rebuilding trust and credibility.

Some tips:

  • Never blame someone else or try to lessen your role in a situation. It ruins the apology and destroys credibility. If you are going to do that, don’t bother starting the conversation.
  • Be prepared for a negative reaction (not everyone handles these things perfectly!)
  • Be genuinely sorry for the error. (If you are faking it or playing politics, see point 1 above)
  • Know what you are going to do to fix things.
  • If necessary, ask for help but without then making the other person responsible for your success/failure.
  • Do it.
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Building a new “normal” for our children

Posted on June 2, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

“Give me a child until he is 6, and he is mine for life” – Karl Marx. That speaks volumes about the importance of the early years, and lays down a serious challenge for us as fathers and mothers. 6 years flies past incredibly quickly, so fast in fact that there are no dress rehearsals, and definitely no restart. Every single moment counts.

This is a challenge because I am a father, and I have a daughter and 3 sons whose character I am accountable for forming. There is overwhelming evidence that “more is caught than is taught” – our examples count for much, much more than our words. So we – I – need to clarify what our values are; what behaviours of ours exemplify it, and what behaviours detract from it. And the most critical question to answer is what these behaviours look like through the eyes of our children. Then we need to be willing to unlearn the behaviours that don’t work. 

I read an article where Barack Obama was commenting on evening dinner at the White House, and he said words to the effect that his children “aren’t interested in his day. They don’t care that he is the President. Dinner time is about their day and what was important to them” – and he leads those conversations. The leader of the USA is at home at night, at the table, and talking about his kids’ days! I know some comparatively very junior leaders who can’t get that one right. So big in their own eyes they force their families to value and honour their busy schedules and lives, but cannot value and honour their spouses and children…

We are deciding what our children will regard as “normal” for the rest of their lives. That is a pretty awesome task. As adults, we now are responding positively or negatively to things in our lives that we perceive as normal or abnormal. That view of normal/abnormal was set in stone a long time ago for us, as young children, by the behaviour of our parents or caregivers. So what are we busy setting in stone for our children? If we look objectively at our worlds, what is their “normal”?

My best source of information about me, is my wife. She can really help me put things in perspective. Sometimes, she even puts them in perspective for me without me asking… 🙂 But, if I am brutally honest, she is wise and considered, and when she speaks, it’s worth stopping and listening. Regardless of our faults, and our wives faults, it is always wise to receive input, and regardless of the source, consider that input carefully for any truth. Truth doesn’t have to come from perfect people. In fact, it never will!

So, men, what can our wives tell us about the impact of our behaviour, attitudes and habits? We need to hear them. And we need to listen. And ladies, what can your husbands’ help you to see about the impact of your behaviour, attitudes and habits? Are you listening?

The most important question we can start to ask ourselves, is to look at our habits, or the things we prioritise, and the permissions we have given ourselves, and ask: “What does this look like to my child?” Children are simple and they see the world simply – adult rationalisations are meaningless. And they certainly can’t “theorise” objectively about things – to them, it simply is what it looks or sounds like.

  • What does it look like when I am working too hard to be there consistently for bath-time, dinner and bedtime stories? To a child, does it look like I am a busy important man, or does it just look like I don’t care?
  • What does it look like when I use a harsh tone of voice, or lose my patience? To a child, does it look like I have good reasons for finally losing my cool, or do I just look threatening and scary. And how can one person be the daddy I love and also be so scary?
  • What does it look like when my wife and I are both trying to win the argument instead of working out the problem? To a child, does it look like a normal event in a mature healthy marriage or does it look like the end of the world? How can both the people I love be fighting with each other?

I am sure we can all think of more examples… so, folks, lets start seeing the world through the eyes of our children, and build a “normal” for them that truly is normal.

 

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Choosing Lives of Deliberate Influence…

Posted on May 31, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

We are completely and inescapably part of other peoples’ worlds, and they of ours. It is impossible to separate ourselves from this truth. Previously one of the most lonely places in the Universe – the ISS orbiting above our heads – became the centre of a Internet phenomenon, thanks to the inimitable (and rather melodious) Cmdr Hadfield (@Cmdr_Hadfield). Even that barrier is broken down completely now, the result of the internet and our shrinking world.

Being an influence on others is a vocation for some; they deliberately set out to influence others. Some do it for personal gain, others for the good of others. Coaches, teachers and social workers, by way of off-the-cuff examples of the latter. There are however many; most, even; for whom being an influence is not a vocation, or even a conscious reality. It is a random accidental side effect.

Incredibly, most people go through life largely insensitive to two fundamentals – one is “I am being influenced”, and the other is “I am an influence”. We have our moments of clarity, but mostly we wander through our days too self engrossed as the main actor on our little stage, to realise our choices are changing things around us, and that other peoples choices are influencing us!

That just doesn’t seem terribly productive or wise…

I think we need to choose lives of deliberate, and not random influence, regardless of how narrow or wide our spheres of influence might be. Living lives of random impact is such a waste. Bobbing around aimlessly, with a short little span of attention; randomly influenced by whatever crosses our path, and being ok with the fact that we randomly – and even worse,  purposelessly – have an impact on others…

It is sad that all some people do is get to the tail end of a day and call it a success. Just making it through without a major calamity is a win. Of course, we all make it through. There is very little else we can do! As Alanis Morrissette sang “The only way out is through”, and I can’t argue with her. Since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses – family, friends, colleagues, etc – what I can ask us all about, though is that since making it through is pretty much inevitable, what kind of statement do we make in how we arrive?

What does it look like when we emerge from the challenges. That, I think is entirely, entirely, ENTIRELY up to us. Do we arrive like a shipwreck survivor, dragging themselves barely alive onto the sand, or do we arrive like a celebration of ourselves, with a symphony of stories to tell, and having left it all out there on the field?

Not choosing, is a choice. Not deciding, is a decision. There is no escape. What sets people apart from each other is, I guess,  that some people avoid the responsibility of choosing, and being accountable for their choices, so they get around it by “not choosing” and then saying “Well, it happened to me, so I am not responsible”. Or maybe it’s that fear of success because “the problem with success is that you then have to keep on succeeding” as someone said. This is the kind of attitude where, in the big picture, they are just dragging themselves out of the water after a shipwreck.

Seems to me those whose “getting through” is something worth looking at, something to celebrate are those who realise that consequences are inevitable, and deciding what those consequences will be is the best way. These people are heroes. They live lives worthy of emulating, taking on struggles with a view to coming out better on the other side… and better yet, they live conscious of the example they set and the eyes that are watching them. These are people who understand what it is to be a father, a mother, a friend, a coach, a spouse. They understand that we feed off each other. We become stronger and better, more courageous and resilient, by following the good examples we see around us, and we learn and improve as we interact with people worth learning from.  They are heroes to their families, to their friends, to their colleagues. These are the people who say “I will NOT let my world be a negative in the life of anyone I touch. My world will bring joy. My world, my journey, my story, WILL invigorate and stimulate others.

They say: “I will learn from those who have preceded me, and I will be an example to those coming after me.”

I like these people. I seek them out and then I keep them close. I am better for it.

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Today I am Tired but I am still a husband and a father…

Posted on May 30, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

I have been travelling, and am more than a little sleep deprived. The issues I have dealt with at work have been deep, corporate issues and have drawn on my resources quite heavily. Tomorrow I will be home again, but with empty batteries. From my perspective, I am hungry for a good night’s sleep. I am desperate to see my family and relax with my wife. There are things to do around the house but maybe they can wait. At least until I have a bit in the tank…

But lets do some thinking here, all of us corporate travellers who do this frequently.

Tomorrow, for my little children, a daddy will arrive home. Tomorrow, for my wife, a husband will arrive home. (And, of course, most importantly, for the cats, tomorrow the guy who feeds them and lets them sleep on the bed will arrive home!)

What will daddy be like? Well, what SHOULD he be like? Through my children’s eyes:

My daddy is home. I have missed you so much. Did you remember my treats? Can I have a cuddle, please, a big long one where you squeeze me tight? Can we sit by you? Will you cook something nice for dinner? What are we going to do tomorrow? Can we go to the park with you? If it’s raining can we make a picnic in the attic and pretend? Where are my treats?

What will it be for my wife, the one who has been mom and dad for 5 days? Through her eyes, does it look like this:

My husband is home! I have missed you. So great to have you back! Here’s a baby to change. Please greet me first and pay attention to my week. I know you travelled and did stuff, but can you lift me up and look only at me or a while? Can I have some adult conversation? Can I please be weak and tired, now, and tell you how hard it was without you suggesting how it could be better managed next time? I know your favourite TV show got recorded and you want to watch it, but can we make time this weekend with the TV off just to catch up? Can you put the kids to bed so I can relax?

Here’s the challenge, men. Husbands, fathers… I am not saying you miss it like I do sometimes, and focus on exactly the wrong stuff. I am not saying I have ANY of the right answers.

But this time, I am going to plan my arrival home, as meticulously as I planned my departure. My wife and children will get the best of me, first, and I will replenish my own spirit when I have honoured my beautiful family with the absolute best I can put together for them.

For my wife:

You will be first. You will have my full attention and my deep appreciation for what you have done this week in my absence. I will listen to your week with love and respect, and I will treat you as you deserve. The TV will stay off. You will be free to relax and recover and know that you are loved and appreciated even as you take “me” time this weekend. How can I honour you today?

For my Children:

I love your mommy so I will spend time with her first. She has worked hard to do everything for you without any help from daddy so you all need to say thank you and give big loves to her. But I can’t wait to hug you and listen to all your stories. I have treats for you but can I first have a hug and sit with you on my lap and hear stories of everything you did that was fun and exciting. Show me your new tricks and pictures, I want to enjoy your creativity and your colours. Let’s go to the park or have a picnic on the weekend.

(For the cats:

Humblest apologies my lords and masters. Here is your food. Can I get you an extra blanket? Is the house warm enough for you?)

Posted in Family, Marriage, Personal Growth, Work | 4 Comments

Preparing for the Storm

Posted on May 29, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

The workplace is sometimes a place where deeply frustrated people gather to pretend they are all ok. It is not easy to think of a more diverse place in the world that our places of work – multicultural, multi focussed, filled with strategists and implementers, happy and sad, married and single, young and old, task oriented and goofer-offers, people we like, and people we don’t like. You name it, they are there.

As with any team, when it is flying and overachieving, all is usually fine. No one’s issues are too serious. But, as with all teams, there are times when things are not all fine. Either the tumult has commenced, or the storm clouds are on the horizon. Having worked in and with numerous companies in transition, I have noticed some distinct trends when the corporate weather is changing for the worse.  The one dynamic that seems constant, is that when things are not going so good, those who feel they do not have the power to change anything, revert to a strategy of “quiet desperation”. By this I mean they withdraw from team members and colleagues to resolve their internal debates. They withdraw their obvious support in favour of a lower risk implied support – implied by their silence. (Which is actually not support at all…)

How do we as leaders keep a finger on the pulse of these dynamics – usually similar in comparative volume to a whisper in a storm. How can we see and hear these subtle indicators in the middle of our busy days, in the midst of our responsibility of managing finances, production, sales, HR, and leading change and keeping an organisation on course?

2 ideas for us to think about (amongst the many):

Firstly, we cannot do it alone. There is just too much going on in the corporate ecosystem for one person to be that sensitive. That is why we have co-leaders, managers who, if they are doing it well, are sensing the atmosphere in their teams and collaborating with their team members to break down those isolating factors.

Secondly, and far more importantly, the corporate culture needs to be one where difficult and vulnerable upward-facing conversations can be held. If we look objectively at our corporate culture, can we honestly say that our employees can be vulnerable with us as leaders? Can they show us their fears and weaknesses in the workplace without being prejudiced for their honesty? Can a disenfranchised employee speak their mind?

I suspect that that is not a reality in most cultures. That is why disenfranchised people go quiet, why the voiceless – or at least those who think they are voiceless – give up their role as co-labourers and become mere observers… they fold their arms, and wait to see if their world will become safe again. And if it does not, they plan their departure.

Here is my challenge:

To an employee, the corporate culture of an organisation is, quite simply, the environment created by their immediate manager. If the immediate manager is a bully, the organisation is a bullying organisation. If the immediate manager is loose-tongued, the organisation cannot be trusted with secrets. If the immediate manager is a politician, the organisation is a political organisation. And if the immediate manager cannot/will not engage employees, the organisation cannot/will not, either. There is NO DIFFERENCE to the employee. 

So, Mr CEO, the leader in the storm, here is the question for us all. (By the way, it is too late to worry about these things when the waves are higher than the boat. This is a question for the good times, for the productive, all-is-well times.) What have you done, and what are you doing to make sure that your managers and co-leaders, represent to the employees they lead, a consistent and congruent company culture?  The kind of company culture you want to have. And what will you do to resolve a dissonance between the stated culture and the lived culture, of your leadership team?

Are you possibly being fooled by what might be some selective upward communications? Are your managers managing you? It’s good to rely on your team, but do you rely on them a little too much? Or do you know – for yourself – what is really, really happening in your organisation?

Is the behaviour and actions of your leadership team shouting so loud, your employees cannot hear what YOU are saying?

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Joy

Posted on May 28, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

I have young children, of whom the two youngest are non-identical (and very different) twin boys. They mean the world to me, and my wife and I are constantly amused and inspired by their personalities and their challenges and the journeys of discovery they are constantly on. One is a quiet thinker, who can’t walk yet but insists on climbing everything in sight, and teeters on the brink of a no-strings-attached bungee off the dining room table every single day… The other can walk, and operates at FULL VOLUME ALL THE TIME. They have such boundless energy, such a passion for the next stimulus, the next toy, the next thing they see. Their energy is relentless, and often taxes us to the limit as we race around in opposite directions managing one crisis after another. (How my wife does it on her own when I am at work, who knows… my theory is tranquiliser darts, but she denies this.)

We all know that almost all adults are not much like this. More sedate, dignified, focussed, more in control of their world, and what they give attention to. And in many ways this is good and right. It gets all those grown-up things we need to do, done.

And yet, I know some different adults, living successfully in both worlds. I know some adults who are so full of life, and zest, and creativity, and, well, joy. They can’t stop having fun. One of them is an advertising guru. No matter where you are in the world, chances are you’ve seen some of her work. The other is a photographer, whose infectious joy and passion for creating beauty is awe inspiring. Her work with children is magnificent. Another is a nurse I used to work with, whose positive effect on patients was profound. Surrounded by other people’s pain and misfortune, she was – and is – a breath of fresh air in a sterile, hurting world.

The other day, I met another different adult. She was at a market, and she was weaving flax into baskets. On her table were all sorts of things she had woven, from bags, to baskets to bracelets. We all stopped to watch, and as we do, my wife and I struck up a conversation. It got away from us both; she had so much passion for her work and for sharing it with us.

The common trend with these wonderful people, and with the many others I have not mentioned, is their joy. They are still like children in their ability to find joy, to reach out and touch something, and have it come to life in their imagination. Unsullied by yesterdays difficulties, holding at bay tomorrows issues, they are ALIVE to the present, living it to the full and enjoying it. And I do get, that to some extent this may be their personality make up. I do get that.

But I don’t think it’s only that.

Personally, I think joy is something we can cultivate. I don’t think joy is an “emotion”, per se. Happiness is an emotion. I think joy is more of an emotional state. It’s a place we can reside emotionally, as opposed to an emotion we can have for a brief period of time…  It’s the place we can respond FROM, as opposed to the response itself.

We can choose it, and allow it to take root in us, by keeping in perspective the worries and the fears that can stifle it. Not always easy, but I am convinced that almost every adult can, if they wish, explore and find a constant sense of wonder and joy at their world.

I have tried to do this as a dad. I sometimes find myself distracted from my little ones by the pressure of the day, and sometimes I have seen the smiles fade, and the joy and the light go out in their eyes when daddy didn’t pay attention to their imaginings and their worlds. My heart breaks when I see that. I never want my grown up, boring world to steal something beautiful and innocent away from my children. So I have resolved to have a child-like joy with them, enjoying the moments as much as they do. Yes, it felt silly at first, but quickly it has become fun and rewarding as they are energised by my participation in their games… now we all look forward with the same excitement to the tickle monster, the picnics, and the bed-time stories, and all sorts of stuff.

At first it was just with them, but slowly it is becoming a joy I experience every day, as my own world becomes alive to the beauty and fun available to me in almost every situation. My marriage; my work; riding my motorbike; listening to music – all of these have taken on a new sense of fulfilment.

What a gift, to have been reminded me of this!

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Fit For Purpose…

Posted on May 27, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

In the old days, war was how things happened. It seems that that was what men did. Perhaps it was in self defence, perhaps in pursuit of glory and power. But historically, it seems the story of man is tied to the story of his weapons and his armour.

As a casual historian, I once began collecting swords. My interest in swords was sparked by a statement I read once, that “Swords are the ultimate weapon – they are the only weapon ever invented that is both truly offensive and truly defensive” Adding to that, it seems that the days of sword fighting were days of real honour in battle – you lived and died by your blade, your talent and reactions, and by the endurance and strength of your arm. If you trained to kill, you also trained to die. There is a strange honest symmetry to that; an honour, an integrity and even a bleak kind of heroism.

There was a balance, even though it was harsh and full of pain. There was a giving and a taking, a gaining and a losing. The Biblical book of Ecclesiastes captures it best, in the words “There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the heavens… a time to be born and a time to die, … a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…”

There is symmetry; a sense that all is balanced and order is maintained.

Do we still have that sense of symmetry and balance in the world today? I am not so sure. It seems the trend is to try and avoid the downside of everything and focus on the upside. As the world becomes more “convenience” and “me” focussed, it seems that we want the good, but not the bad. The up, but not the down. The compliment, but not the criticism. The win, but not the lose.

“So what?” you ask, and it’s a fair question. “What’s wrong with wanting the good?” And the answer is, of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting the good. Good is good. Everybody, even those people of old, wanted the good.

But eventually there will be a massive loser; that is simply a fact. The moment we want an imbalance that is positive in our favour, we are demanding an imbalance that is negative in someone else’s favour. There can be no good without bad; no up without down, no faith without doubt, no win without loss. What we are actually wanting, if we are honest, is not that the world be entirely good, we just want it to be entirely good for “ME”.

Which is, of course, not going to happen.

The truth is that we need the downside to happen, and not just to happen, but to happen to US. But why? To try formulate an answer, lets come back to swords.

Swords are fit for purpose. Light enough, but strong enough. Holding a battle edge, balanced, resilient and not brittle etc. They would be pretty useless without these basics. To make a sword, you need iron, carbon, a furnace, a hammer and an anvil. Time. Lots of time. A strong, strong arm, and cold oil.

What makes us as humans fit for purpose? And what gets us there? What prepares us for the responsibilities of adulthood?

I think the sword analogy holds up just fine…

We are children (soft iron). A safe secure environment makes us strong (carbon). To become healthy adults, we go through difficult circumstances (the furnace). We are shaped by events, hammered into shape by a combination of difficult situations (the hammer), and an inability to get out of them (the anvil). It takes years of repeated fires, repeated situations, and persistence. And the cold oil of healthy relationships and wise counsel tempers us, make us resilient, flexible and not brittle)

So, I am ok with tough times. They can be turned to good. It just takes heart.

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Accountability

Posted on May 26, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

An interesting concept, not often  canvassed outside of specific forums, but, let’s work through it for a while. I’ll nail my colours to the mast early – I believe in accountability absolutely. That is not to say I find it easy, or comfortable – in fact it is absolutely not easy, and most definitely not comfortable. But I do believe it is absolutely essential for wise living, and credibility. There are no borders and compartments here – it is for the workplace, for marriage, for friendships, for parenting and for personal growth.

Accountability is quite simply, a self-created and self-maintained framework for delivering results. The idea is to remove all wiggle-room for excuses or failures, by making yourself – especially your priorities and commitments – known to an individual, or maybe a group of people . It can be for one particular project, one particular issue, or a particular time. The idea is to be completely known by someone.  It can also be a profound life habit, unrelated to specific priorities – simply a choice to do life together with someone.

So why?

Well, many people would say “No way” to the idea, and in a global and pervasive culture of habitual independence and being self-made, that is an understandable reaction. But there is an upside to accountability, and I would say it is a biggie. A very biggie. We are all flawed human beings, and we are not perfect. We also often make excuses for ourselves. That might be ok for some, but for those who hate excuses, and who are committed to constant growth and progress in all areas, having accountability partners can make extremely good sense.

Firstly, accountability is NOT about making someone else responsible for your issues or your decisions. The locus of control needs to remain internal. It is about having a second brain and heart to work with, to make sure that your OWN thoughts are clear and thorough. “So what would you do?” is not a good question. “Here’s what I think/want to do, what do you think about that?” is a much better question.

Secondly, it’s about confidentiality and trust. The faithfulness of an accountability partner is a huge foundation stone for both people – it is good to be trusted, and it is good to extend trust. It’s good to talk, and its good to listen. These are key relationship skills, and it’s what mature people do.

Thirdly, accountability is about humility and wisdom. It’s about declaring to ourselves that we don’t have all the answers and we are not fooled by our instinct to “go it alone”. People in accountability relationships understand that we are designed for community, for partnership, and for walking roads together.

In the business world, a coach, mentor or strong colleague is the usual choice for accountability. In our personal lives, it’s a bit more complex. Personal life coaches are also great. Dealing with personal issues such our parenting, or partnering, our finances, our sexuality etc can be challenging for friends, but it is also in those strong relationships, built over time and full of integrity, that we can find accountability.

The key is not to choose someone who will agree with our excuses or even allow us to make them. We should choose someone strong enough to be willing to stress – or even risk – the relationship for the sake of truth. Make truth and honesty the core values. Especially, we should choose someone who has a track record of being strong where we are weak. Choosing accountability partners who are challenged in similar areas is a recipe for repeated failure.

By way of example, in my circle of friends, accountability relationships have been very successfully used, amongst others, in the following situations

  • Changing spending habits to get out of debt
  • Getting fit and eating healthily
  • Overcoming gambling and pornography addictions
  • Starting a business
  • Working through marriage issues
  • Dating
  • Facing challenges at work such meeting deadlines, getting results etc.

It might sound like my friends are basket cases, but they are not. You know they are not. They are normal, every day human beings, like all of us, but with one unique characteristic in common. They are committed to being personal overcomers, winners and faithful stewards. They love their families and wives, and believe in excellence in every area of their lives. They are willing to do anything to see their commitments through with integrity.

Let’s start a revolution. A revolution against the lie that individualism is better than community.

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Some Thoughts on Disagreements with Leaders

Posted on May 24, 2013 by Vaughan Granier

It crossed my mind that there is often a challenge, especially in the workplace, for how a team member can safely or at least respectfully express a difference of opinion with their leader.

Obviously it is ok to have a difference of opinion – any leader who says differently is not a leader but a dictator. However, the team dynamic, the need for internal structure and basic respect, and the need for particular situations to keep momentum, can mean that differences of opinion need to be expressed in particular ways appropriate to that situation.

Fundamentally, a leader is doing their job if they encourage and stimulate diverse thinking because that is fertile ground for creativity and the development of new leaders, confident in their own ability to assess and process information. But that carries with it the challenge of managing employees and team members who differ from each other and differ from the leadership.

Hopefully, your manager is a gracious, secure and empowering leader, then you can ignore this post… If not, there might be something here of some benefit.

A lot has to do with personal styles, both in how a person expresses their opinion, and how that is handled by others. This note is less about the leader, and more about the team member; about how they could choose to express thoughts and differences of opinion in a way that was constructive, and not counter-productive. At the very very least, humility and respect are vital to a fruitful discussion. In addition, the proactive approach is to arrive armed with potential solutions, not problems. Map potential ways through an issue and be prepared to be accountable for the solution. It may well end up back in your court!

Strategy issues – a strategy discussion (at the worst a open challenge to the strategy) depends on the employee’s credibility, and needs to happen in private. The stakes are high. In a public forum, if the employee is right, or even just persuasive, the leader’s credibility can be compromised. If the leader is right, the employee will possibly be embarrassed. Both would probably regret that situation and any inappropriate responses that happened, and so private discussions are recommended. In private, the employee should ensure fertile soil through good timing for the discussion – there is a better time… and a not-so-better time. Appreciating that there are aspects of the big picture that the employee is not necessarily privy to is also wise, so the employee is well advised to approach the topic with humility, “teachability” and a willingness to be wrong.

Ethical issues – nobody should be forced to compromise on ethical issues, and if a clear commitment by an organisation to an ethical code exists, there is a framework for a discussion at least. Again, this should be a private discussion, approached not with a view to winning any contest of wills, but with a view to deciding what action you as an employee might be forced to take if the ethical position does not change. Remember, accusations of a lack of ethics can result in a backlash. Are you willing to resign? Put in a grievance? If so, follow the processes carefully. Remember, though, the impact on future work opportunity, through work references… Sometimes the best option depending on the seriousness of the breach, is a quiet departure, or even a quiet agreement to disagree and permission from the leader/organisation to not participate. Not every battle has to be won through conflict.

Workload and Pressure – in an ideal world this is a regular, open discussion through a healthy performance management culture. Where this is not so, a solid track record of putting in the effort without complaint or malingering, goes a very long way to being heard. If you don’t have this at least, your words are likely to fall on deaf ears. Remember if this is being asked of everyone, you will need to be sure of why it is legitimately unreasonable for you, before you initiate discussions. By the way, it is wise not to be the unofficial spokesperson for other employees – if it all falls apart, you are likely to be the one who gets tagged as the troublemaker!

Being mistreated, or seeing others mistreated – this is a difficult one, and is best managed through established processes such as a grievance. Again, the stakes will be high. Do not be a crusader. Deal with your own issues, and encourage others to deal with theirs through proper channels. Where you feel it was an honest mistake, such as inconsiderateness under pressure, a discreet and respectful conversation with the leader can easily bring about a good result.

A brief checklist:

  • Know your facts
  • Be conciliatory and constructive at all times
  • Its best to be discreet and politically sensitive
  • Have a credible track record – it goes a loooong way.

Best of luck!

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